Where Do I Go From Here?

Ever come across a day where you don't feel good mentally? Emotionally you feel down and you wish you just had a day to figure out what these feelings are? Yeah, that tends to happen a lot for me. I never know what is going on in my own life it feels like. Am I up? Am I down? Depressed? Not depressed? It's all a big roller coaster for me. I'm not sure exactly how to make it all stop to be honest. It would be nice to be able to just give myself a break. But I don't know how to do that.

Where do I go from here? That's the main question I want answered. If I am but a babbling person with no idea of what's going on, then so be it.

I've been diagnosed with different things over the years, some of those diagnoses have changed. Some have stayed the same. The ones that have stayed the same, I seem to be able to have a hold on, for now. The ones that have changed into something else? Yeah, that's a different story.

I'm not quite certain where I belong in all of this. Am I still considered to be human? Do you see what I am up against? I don't see it most days. Other days it's clear as mud. I know I'm human, what else would I be? Exactly.

It would be nice to be able to wake up one morning and just feel normal. If normal is an actual thing one can feel. If it's not? Then I don't want to know what normal is. I know what's normal for me. That's mostly freaking out over nothing. But what is actual normality? That I do not know. I have only known what it is I currently feel.

I suppose that's what dreams are made of. Once you dream, you can only decide from there what the dream means and if it's going to affect you the rest of your life. To me, the dream never ends. It constantly goes and I am stuck wishing and hoping for something better to happen to me. I am happy to a degree but also lost to a degree. What am I to do with my life? I have a career and everything that keeps me stable and above water, but what more is there?

I'm afraid that someday I will wake up and all of this will have been a dream. My everything will be gone, and I won't have a way to get it all back. What does that say about me or my mindset? It's an interesting thought, no? Yeah, that's what I thought.

So, I do what most people do, I sip on my Diet Coke and wait to see how all of this is played out. Was it a simulation to begin with? Was it something real? I just don't know.

Suicidal Ideation

Over the years I've had to deal with suicidal ideation. Those are thoughts of being dead, some more extreme than others. It causes issues for me a lot of the time. It's not an easy thing to talk about at all. Here's what it is: Suicidal ideation ( suicidal thoughts ) are thoughts or ideas centered around death or suicide . Experiencing suicidal ideation doesn’t mean you’re going to kill yourself, but it can be a warning sign.

An Opposition In All Things

Long has been the story told about how there must be an opposition in all things. From the pre-existence there was Satan, Lucifer the Son of the Morning. In the beginning we were with God in his presence. We learned all we could while there. Until the moment we couldn’t progress any more, we were unable to become like God. So, we were given the opportunity to come to Earth to gain a body. A Savior would be provided to atone for our sins enabling us to come back to the presence of God. The idea that an opposition must be in all things comes from 2nd Nephi: For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither...

Temptation Bible vs Book of Mormon

In the Bible in 1 Corinthians 10:13 we find: There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able ; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. But what might seem as a contradiction is found in Alma 13:28 But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear , and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering; So, which is it? Either God tempts you to a point and stops, or you have to actively pray not to be tempted beyond that no return point. Which is it?

DreamSense

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