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There are times

 Oh there are times where you don't want to think something, you don't want to hear something. You just don't want it in your life at all. Yet it sticks around waiting for you to make some kind of move acknowledging it. Yeah that's not going to happen. Damn thoughts always creeping up on me when I least expect it. Whatever the price of these thoughts is, it's not worth it.

I would rather not have such thoughts and simply be happy for once. But that's not how any of this works now is it? No, I didn't think so. So we just have to try our best to get through whatever this is and see what more is out there. Is that possible? I'm not sure. I hope it is possible. It doesn't mean life will be any easier by any means. Life will still be there, and it will still be difficult to get out of bed in the mornings. To be able to make decisions easily. Oh how wonderful that would be.

For now, life is just an anchor pulling me down Ito the depths of the sea. I don't enjoy it. I don't like it one bit. But that's what it feels like doing to me. Whatever.

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