DreamSense

 Why is it when we say we're fine, that we really aren't? What's up with that. I mean why not simply say that we are not fine and that everything is a train wreck. What's wrong with telling the truth? I don't understand it. I don't get that concept. It makes no sense to me. I wish it did make some kind of sense, but it just doesn't. Life doesn't get easier as it moves forward, it actually tends to get more difficult. There's no way to account for that. It just happens. I wonder what would happen if people were just honest about what was going on in their lives. Would people simply whine about whatever is on their minds more? Would they just chill and tell the truth? How would all of that unfold. It's obviously better to tell the truth about how your life is going. But there doesn't always seem to be a way of actually doing that. I just wonder at times how life would be. Talk about a thought process. Many things can start with "I wonder i...

 Ever think to yourself, it would be nice if... and then you continue the sentence with whatever idea you have? Yeah, I've done that a few times in my life. I often wonder how nice it would be to have whatever I want. However that works, I do not know. I do know that wishes don't always turn out to be something we really want. Needs on the other hand, they can easily overturn a wish any day of the week. So, which do you prefer a wish or a need? I believe needs tend to be more authentic than wishes. Yet I still wish for things from time to time. I wish I had a clear direction of where I'm headed in life. I simply do not know how any of this life will be resolved. If there were a way to figure this out, I'm sure I would hop right on it. But I'm not sure how any of it is supposed to be played out. Only that good will triumph over evil every single time. That's just how life is written. Evil may gain traction here and there for a small moment, but in the end, it is ...

 I feel worthless, useless, I tire of such thoughts. Yet they exist and I have to deal with them. The voices are strong today. They want me to accept my fate and simply die. There is no other way about it. I must die. Living is no longer an option. Yet the other side of my brain tells me that I must continue forward. I do not know why, it doesn't feel like explaining to me. A shame really, I wish I had a reason for it. But I don't. Answers would be good right now, really good. Unfortunately, nothing I do or say can help me out of this situation. I am but a puppet it feels, someone else is controlling the strings that make me think, talk, and move. Oh, how I wish this wasn't the case. I wonder what all these thoughts are about. They're the typical thoughts that process through my mind. Death is but a steppingstone, I don't understand why I cannot proceed. The intrusive thoughts don't stop. The voices don't stop. They all want me dead. I do not know why they w...

 I am depressed. There's no other way of saying it. Being depressed has a way of messing with your head. Getting out of bed is a chore somedays. I am not a fan of it, but it's something I have to endure. I don't know who gave me this depression, was it God? I suppose it doesn't matter. There's just too much to worry about right now. I hate worrying. The anxiety alone is just terrible. The depression tells me I can't do anything, but the anxiety tells me if I don't do something, I'll be in trouble. It's downright frustrating. I am not a fan of it all. What more is there to say about it though. I guess there's a lot more to say. Depression isn't just something you get over. It takes its toll on you. I wish I could overcome all of this. But I don't see a way out of it. Too much to think about right now.

 I'm angry. Angry at this mental illness which I have found myself to have. I am not pleased with it. Every living day is a struggle for me to simply get by. To survive. I don't quite understand it myself, but it is a real thing. I would rather not have this problem at all to begin with, but I cannot control it. It was only a matter of time for this illness to manifest itself and become active in my life. That took place in 2020. Having lived with it for five years now, I can only say this. I hate it. The voices constantly affect me. They tell me things I don't want to hear. Tell me lies that aren't true. Things that aren't real. Yet I listen to them. I'm trying to learn how to cope with it all, but I am not able to do so easily. Therapy helps when I do go. When I don't I have a harder time fighting them. It's a constant struggle. There isn't much I am able to do about it. So, I try to endure. This life doesn't make for an easy thing to live th...

 I first watched Babylon 5 a few years ago. I recently started a new rewatch of the series. There are episodes I don't really like, but I still watch them trying to gain a new appreciation for them. JMS was onto something for sure with this series. It is a masterpiece. The actors in the show are amazing as well. Each took their role with authority and did an excellent job. I enjoy the series so much. It has deep levels of storytelling and lore that you have to pay attention every step of the way. There is a larger story to be told than what is in any single episode, which is how I think it was planned out. I started with The Gathering and then continue on with the series season by season, never skipping an episode. If I remember from my initial watch of the series, there are some that are just my favorite. Those that have to deal with Babylon 4 are my favorite. "Wanna talk socks?" Yeah, that line kills me.